Backsplash Battle

A num­ber of years ago we had our kit­chen remod­elled. I was really happy with our con­tract­or’s work, and he had ter­rif­ic people work­ing for him. Now, he’s one of these fel­lows who is BIG guy, and LOUD. And that’s totally fine except when it comes to him assert­ing his opin­ion if I don’t agree with it. I’ve dealt with folks like that before where they argue and they’re loud and it’s like they’re used to get­ting their way just by being big and loud. But if I don’t agree, I just stand there with my arms fol­ded and say, “No.” Very quietly. Blah blah blah!!!! “No.”

So the coun­ters were done, and whatever else, and I asked about how long the next steps would take.

“We have to do this and that, and then we gotta tile” (and I knew what he was refer­ring to but I waited until he was fin­ished) “and then the elec­tri­cian’s gotta do such and such.”

When he fin­ished I said, “What is it you’re going to tile?”

“Well the backsplash.”

Now, at no time did we ever dis­cuss a tile pat­tern or any­thing, in all the talks about paint col­ours, cup­boards and coun­ter­tops. This was the first time it had come up. I said, “We aren’t going to have a backsplash.”

“Not gonna have a back­s­plash! You gotta have a backsplash!”

“No I don’t.”

“But how are you gonna clean?”

“Ummm… with a cloth.”

“But every­body has a back­s­plash. You gotta have a backsplash!”

“No I don’t.”

He men­tioned lip­stick on a pig or words to that effect, indic­at­ing that all his work will have been for naught, the pro­ject would forever look incom­plete because WE did­n’t want a backsplash.

I said, “I don’t need one. I have nev­er had a back­s­plash before and it’s been fine.”

And HE said, “We did­n’t used to have the polio vac­cine either.”

You’re gonna stand here in my kit­chen and com­pare the import­ance of a back­s­plash to the import­ance of the polio vac­cine?? You are a very inter­est­ing person.

He turns to the elec­tri­cian and says, “She does­n’t want a backsplash!”

Elec­tri­cian says, “Fine with me, makes my job easi­er.” He does­n’t have to cut into tile to install elec­tric­al out­lets and so forth.

The con­tract­or seemed to grasp that it was a los­ing battle.

Then, when the job was com­plete he says, “That actu­ally does­n’t look that bad.”

I said, “I know.”

“Nice and clean.”

“Yup.”

Then he asked for photos.